Skyla

So last night was the Big Sisters Big Brothers Big Night Out event, and being apart of the program for 8 years with the most amazing little sister I could ever have been matched with, I was one of the proudest people there. Proud because when Skyla found out we were going she asked if she could say a few words about our experience with BBBS. I was surprised and excited! The 9 year old girl (now 16) I met when first matched would hardly say more than 2 words in a conversation. Now, I can hardly get her to stop talking. She amazes me everyday with what a wonderful young lady she is becoming; honest, caring, open, thoughtful, smart and determined. I am honored to have her in my life and to have played a part in hers. I have always known that she cares and that we are best friends because of the connection we have, but last night I got to hear her put into words her thoughts and feelings of our match and relationship. I was blown away! Her hopes were to make me cry, but I was so happy and proud of her that no tears could come. Well, not until I sat down and read her speech alone anyway. I asked her if I could share her speech as I hope it will be a testimony to how much we as mentors/adults can influence young kids lives by just being a friend and how ultimately we get just as much of a reward out of it as they do. Below is her speech and I will forever be grateful to Skyla for making me a better person, friend, listener, and big sister. Love you kiddo!

" Sometimes in life you find a special friend, someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an un-locked door just waiting for you to open it. 8 years ago I met this someone special through Big Brothers Big Sisters, her name is Melissa. And since then we've become extreamly close! Over the years we've done many activities such as: going to the movies, road trips to Grand Manan, shopping, singing at the top of our lungs in the car, and so much more. She is someone I can be my complete self around. I can always go to her about anything, even though she might not agree, she will support my decisions. I wrote this mini speech so I could make her cry! But also because I wanted her to know how much I care. Thanks to everyone who made this whole experience possible and thank you Melissa for always being there for me!"

Deserving

It was getting too dark to see
Corrupted by knowing more love than shown
Believing that it was a mistake to look too far ahead
But courage is only an accumulation of small steps - one step closer
And now words come with a rush from the heart
Love is not the absence of fear, it's believing that it is more important than fear
Be scared-nervous-afraid, but also be brave and know that there will be a time that love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

515.11 miles

You hold me without touch and make sure to keep your distance. Yet I begged for you to see, waiting for you to say what we had, and I know it's easier for you to let me go. I wish I could have seen through your walls, because you can't find a reason to be loved. Distance in meaning is further than distance in miles

350 5th ave

Grand buildings, skyline staggered
Horns, laughter, beeps and whistles
Wheels screaming, shoulder to shoulder, heel to toe
Excuse me, pardon me, move thanks
Neck cramped, eyes wide, tears at times
Heat sticky, sweat streaked freckles showing
Heart beating, smiles glowing, happiness
Sights of bewilderment, amazement and imagination
Beauty in so many places
Then, quiet, only for a moment, no sound is heard
Breath taken, sweet tastes linger, eyes shut tight
Forgetfulness allowed
Open once again, stunning sights to be seen
A wonderful place to be

Undone

There's a rush of current and crashing waves, white surf spray and circling tides. Sand is pulled from the shore, clawing for a return; once more removed, shifted, repositioned and replaced.

Walnuts

You opened up to me, and I let you in.
Words written with great meaning touched the corners of darkness.
You smashed through my seemingly impenetrable emotional wall like it was made out of paper, and you did it almost instantly.
A departure that now almost seems forgotten is forgiven by time.
Better, stronger, ready.
Vulnerability is no longer a threat.
See me, all of me
Ready, set, go

Waiting on You

Some things, don't turn out like they should
But every now and then things turn out for the best

The uncertainty of events, actions, emotions and choices
Lined up in a pattern of disaray

The confusion is now clear
Lessons learned, self, discovered

It took a while to uncover what was there
Pieces needed to fit, put together by mistakes, experience and understanding

Thank you for waiting, for believing
And for seeing it become external

A melody can be a memory

Streets

I've wanted to leave this place for a while now, but I don't think it's actually this place. Funny where life leads us, in directions that don't last forever. In directions that we know we should take a few steps back from. But what do you do when life keeps bringing you back to that same spot in which you backed away from? You turned and ran the first two times, but when you turned back around, ready to move forward the ending played out the same. There is no vear in the road, no cliche fork in the path, just one direction pointing straight ahead. You don't want to go there, know you shouldn't, but it has taken over. How many more times do you run back in the direction you just came from, thinking that somewhere along the way, something will change and you won't find yourself at that same familiar landmark in life. I know I can't change the past, it has already developed, unraveled, played its part in this unforgiving future, but I won't let it hold me back. I'm going to leave me for a while, instead of this place and I wish you would stay until I figure it out. Meet me there.

Hermana

How do you put into words how much someone means to you?
How they are appreciated
How they are adored
How they are selflessly there, always
How they are loved

How do I tell you you're the best someone anyone could ever have? How do I tell you that even though I tried so hard, not to be like you, there isn't anything in the world I would love, than to be more like you?
Educated in such a way that it always makes me shake my head with a smile and think, "She's the smartest person in the world.....and she's my sister"

She's the one who everyday balances her array of lives:
A mother,
A daughter
A student
A teacher
A friend
A leader
and among all of these time to be my sister.

You are the one whom I compare to nothing, as there isn't a way to calculate, measure or title your gift.
I love you for every role you play

How do you tell someone how much they have shaped you, taught you, loved you and been exactly what you've needed, every time?

You don't, they just know

A Matter of When

I thought it was the opening up that worried me.
I thought it would be the letting you in.
Making room for things that weren't mine.
Making space.
I thought it was letting the walls down and allowing vaulnerability.
Trusting.
I thought it was the commitment, or learning to love someone new.
It isn't.
It's losing it

shhh.......

You're hiding regret in your smile, there's a storm in your eyes I've seen coming for a while. Hang onto the past tense tonight, don't say a word I'm okay with the quiet. The truth is gonna change everything

February 2012

"Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals, and to imagine that together we can do great things.
In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible."

Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye - Cover)

Loving this group. Very creative and impressive. Love the song too. Just another example of artistry.

Hindsight

She doesn't know what she's done, or if she likes what she's begun, but something told her to go and that it should end.
Only thing is, you don't know who you are without her.
    All I know is that you should
She's not sure if she'll be able to stand another hand upon you
   All I know is that she should
Why? Because she will love you more than she could, she, who dares to stand where she stood
You meant more to her than anyone she's ever loved at all
But she taught you how to trust yourself and you know it's what you have to do
How do I know?
Because I found myself listening to that same voice, whispering that I should go, run, that it was all or none.
And I was just as torn inside as she feels now.
But I knew that she would love him more than I could, she who dared to stand where I stood.
He meant more to me than anyone I'll ever love at all and he taught me to trust myself, thats why I knew what I had to do.
I didn't know who I was without him, but I knew that I should.
I couldn't stand the thought of another hand upon him, but I knew that I should.
They will be loved more than we could love them, and we will be loved more than we were- by those who dare to stand where they stood.

Never say Never

This is my quote for the day... well, maybe even my mantra for the new month approaching.

We have more ability than will power, and it is often an excuse to ourselves that we imagine that things are impossible.

  - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

One Day

Funny how we always concentrate on the bad things. Forget the good and focus on all the reasons why not, but never focus on the reasons for why we should. It's easier to let go, making up excuses for why it could never change or get easier. I always believed people "are who they are" , but I was reminded that I wouldn't want that stigma attached to myself, so why am I able to regard that same notion about others. I quickly changed my tune. People can change.They can be better. All it takes is realizing you want to change for yourself. That gives you the inspiration to do it. We aren't always what we seem, opinions can change. If they didn't,  I'm sure we would all find ourselves lost somewhere in our lives; for we all change throughout lifes journey. The thing is others need to be open and understand the possibilities of this. It isn't a show or a persona put on, it is life's lessons that teach us to change. It's loss, it's failure, it's even encouraging and motivational situtations that bring this change about. We realize the things that are important, the little things that can out weigh the big things. It's kindness, encouragement, thoughtfulness, values, respect, understanding, forgiveness, loyalty and love. It isn't the materialistic ideals of others or opinions. It isn't the diminutive events of everyday life that taint our image and frustrate our minds with annoyances. It should be the diminutive events of everyday life that remind us of the unspoken moments of emotion that show patience, trust and communication. Without those moments or ideals we will become bitter, lost and feel worthless. Failures of our own doing. Without the realization of all of this, we will be our own worst enemy. Life is so much more than what is presented. We have to remove the layers that can pile up, remembering that every day we might have to peel one away. Don't let them become so heavy that it feels impossible to strip them down. Change is possible, goodness is possible, love is possible.

40 years

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of your breath on my face
There's still a little bit of your heart I haven't touched
Theres's still a little bit of your thoughts I haven't read
There's still a little bit of your smell on my shirt
There's still a little bit of your warmth in my heart
There's still a little bit.........

Wait

Someday I hope you can love, the way I love you

Convince Me

You're right
I see your points

Yes, they're all good reasons
I completely understand

I don't disagree with you
I can see where you're coming from

I absolutely agree
You're not wrong

But,

I still want it

Cold Water

The sea sighed today
Yesterday it was in a rage
Throwing itself around
Tossing and churning
It wanted to let go
But it was so strong
Helplessly crashing